Lollie's First Blog: BAMBOOZLED
Ya'll, I gotta say that when Personas first was released, I was so shocked to see that our first review was a 1 star and the reader's comment was even lower! We had a little group meeting on messenger, devastation was the theme!
Natasha, our promoter, was able to get into the background of miss Lois T. and we read along as she began to divulge information about this discourteous little woman.
I'm not gonna lie, I was taken aback that it was the same name as my 85 year old mamma, but I just KNEW it wasn't her because I had specifically told her that I would never allow her to read it and she seemed fine with that. BUT...with each description of the smash mouth reviewer being revealed, I began to squirm a little more in my seat.
1)Lois T. -check
2)Into gardening. -not food gardening, whew!
3)Buys dog toys. -hmmm.
4)Has a dachshund. -okay a lot of people have that dog breed.
5)His name is Max. -NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OMG OMG OMG Y'ALL!! THAT'S MY MAMMA!!!
The chat room got quiet! Well, other than me making a few explicit comments just before I said, I am calling her RIGHT NOW!
Laura: Uh Oh!
Natasha: No shit!
Natasha: No shit!
Laura: I'd really like to be a fly on the wall right now tho!
Natasha: 🤣🤣 NO SHIT!
This all transpired as I was calling this little 85 year old redheaded, SPITFIRE! Now you gotta have a little back story before I relay that conversation.
Lois June has ALWAYS been a woman of, let's be nice and say, opinions. Her thoughts have NEVER been bridled and her FILTER has even fewer reins! Her loves/hobbies in life are, Max the dog, Jesus and casinos.
I did a bit of a breathing exercise before I called to slow down the process of hyperventilating and dialed that Texas phone number.
(Melodic voice of an angel answers)
Me: Hello, mamma. Whatcha doing?
Mom: Oh hey! I'm just sitting here visiting with your brother. He stopped by to see us, we're all just sitting and chatting over a cup of coffee.
ME: Mamma, I saw the review you left on Amazon. I'm gonna need you to remove that.
Mom: (Now speaking in a voice mixture of a high pitched shriek and the devil himself)
Mom: I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT!!!
Mom: THAT WAS THE MOST VILE LANGUAGE I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!
Mom: I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE WORDS CAME OUT OF MY CHILD'S MOUTH!
Me: Mamma, I TOLD YOU not to read that book, it was not for you!
Mom: THAT book ain't for anyone but the DEVIL HIMSELF!!
Me: Mamma, I am not the only one who wrote the...
Mom: OH I HAVE NO DOUBT! SATAN WAS HELPING YOU WRITE THAT BOOK!!
Me: Mamma, you didn't even read past the prologue! People in prison don't say darn, dangit and dadgum! Now you calm down and listen to me right now! You are GOING to get online and remove THAT REVIEW!
Mom:Everyone is going to be staring at me everywhere I go now! You have SHAMED ME LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!
Me: Not if you don't put YOUR NAME on the review because it was written under a pseudo name!
Mom: No, it says RIGHT HERE...(crickets)
Me: EXACTLY! Now go get that review off of Amazon because I'm not the only one affected by it! My co-writer and promoter are not very happy...
Mom: Y'all are all going to HELL!!! NOBODY is gonna buy THAT GARBAGE!
Me: Mamma, go take it off. Now please.
Mom: I tell you what. You send me back my $20 that I wasted on that VILE pile of trash that you call a book, just trying to support YOU, and I will take it off.
Me: 😐 Blink. Blink, blink. Blink, blink, blink...(inaudible grumbling) I will send you the money.
So in a time span of 5 minutes, I was blindsided, blackmailed and blatantly bamboozled. By my own 85 year old mamma!
You just can't make this stuff UP!!!!!
Update:! Mom finally removed it ! Talk about moving mountains! Lol..in TEXAS!